Quickly!

You can also go check out all the audio files here.

Okay, last part of a trilogy, let’s do this!

Dan Sinker read about Mr. Whoppit, a teddy bear owned by the land and water speed record holder of the 1950s, someone who would be invariably cool if it were not for, you know, the stuffed animal. I was more interested in Dan’s beard. And beards in general.

I wish I could grow a beard.

LEAST I’M STILL COOL.

Yeah. Um… Okay. Robbie and Shanny proceed to pump their Civil War themed Encyclo Show, which you can’t go to, because it has already happened. Unless you can travel back in time. Which is sweet.

Then, out of nowhere, out of the blue, out of the great, wide abyss, out of other stuff, comes Dave Snyder’s beard.

Again, I was more interested in the beard than the story, but the story was probably quite good. With his subject, Grizzly Man, Dave told the audience of this classic and tragic story from the bear’s point of view via his bear journals. Just what you wanted, I know.

Dave also created SilverTongue. So, you know, shake his hand or kick him in the gonads depending on how you feel about that.

After Dave’s wonderful piece Robbie takes up the role typically reserved for the fact checker and brings everyone down.

Patience, who claims she isn’t funny, proceeded to take the stage and impress (and intimidate, but in a good way) everyone with her piece on Funshine bear. You know, from the Care Bears.

Robbie threatens the crowd with another song before finally introducing K Bradford.

And Bradford, God bless her, touches the crowd with a human piece about coming out of the closet… for your love for bears… gummi bears. Honestly, I don’t know why it’s taken this long for the world to see g-bear fanatics as they are: normal human beings.

Then intern Patrick humped a bear named Ian Dick Jones for the whole crowd to see. I know this won’t make sense, but he did it for the good of everyone involved.

Outlaw Grizzly. I’ll leave this bit at that.

And then I said something! Someone in the crowd at one point, as I came up, yelled, “take it off!” This is because of how hot I am. So hot people want to see me in the nude. Also, I’m good to people’s crotches.

After my wonderful announcement the excitement needed to be brought down a couple million notches. Presenting, fact checker Ian for his last fun sucking assessment of the truth.

Finally, the end. Sorry Intern Patrick!

Peace out,

~Ma$e

Verbatim’s description:

Poetry is Sexy is an annual showcase of performances around the theme of love & erotica. This year we will be featuring poets as well as performers from other genres with special guest and house band The Heavy Boxes!

Complimentary sexy refreshments will be served including cheesecake, fresh fruit, and chocolate fondue. There will be a $5 suggested donation to help cover the extra costs of making this an extra sexy event this year.

Performers include: Nick Narbutas, Zoe Claster, dReam, Jeremey Johnson, Nate Olison, Benicia Blue, Shawn Guiney, Laccee Hillard, Candice Philpot, Victoria Ross, Kevin Kern, and Angelis Gaberial Ipswitch.

Hosted by Shannon D and Floetically Delicious.

Check out Verbatim’s facebook page.

Check out the facebook event.

<3 Sexy Mason

So go to Sunday’s reading.

Event info from good, ol’ Facebook:

Time

Sunday, November 14 · 5:00pm – 10:00pm

Location

Underground Wonderbar
10 E. Walton
Chicago, IL

“Come Home Chicago is the top-notch, inter-disciplinary, high-energy blowout celebration of the Windy City’s storytelling tradition featuring top names across the cultural board.” – - New City

Please come and celebrate Come Home Chicago’s One Year Anniversary!!!!

We are proud to share another great night of Chicago talent with everyone at the World Famous Underground Wonderbar.
…
Its been one whole year of Chicago fiction, journalism, music and comedy. We have another great show lined up…so, please try and make it out.

Performers will include:

Irvine Welsh – Chicago Resident, and Acclaimed filmmaker, playwright and author of Trainspotting, Porn, The Bedroom Secrets of the Master Chefs, Reheated Cabbage, Maribou Stork Nightmares et. al, and also, a Chicago Resident!

Elizabeth Brackett – Chicago Tonight correspondent, PBS Newshour with Jim Lehrer correspondent, Silver Circle Award Winner, Peabody Award Winner and author of “Pay to Play: How Rod Blagoevich Turned Political Corruption Into a National Sideshow”

The Retar Crew – Fresh off of an Austin City Limits show and the release of their hot new album, The Retar Crew will be performing their unique and hilarious music mayhem for all of Chicago.

Max Grinnell – Transplanted Chicagoan, urbanologist, writer and explorer. Author of 24 Great Walks in Chicago.

John Freyer – Chicago native, official major league baseball scorer, journalist, writer and humorist.

Steve Kouba- Singer/Songwriter/Author/Comedian/Genius

Gary Johnson – Chicago Writer/Professor/Media Analyst

Special Rookie of the Week Extravaganza in Fiction -

Alexis Thomas
Lauryn Allison Lewis
Ed Scherrer

THE MALORT GIRLS IRON CHEF CHALLENGE W/ Special Guest Judges The Retar Crew and the Chairman Don De Grazia

Hosted by Chicago Novelist Don De Grazia and Chicagoan Matt Martin

Make sure you get there early because the show will start at 5 on the dot with Alexis, Lauryn and Ed.”

Columbia College Chicago Students to Hold “Chicago Mayor Volunteer Drive”

CONTACT: Inney Prakash; inney.prakash@loop.colum.edu

COLUMBIA COLLEGE CHICAGO- A group of students at Columbia College have organized an event to showcase mayoral candidates and promote community involvement on campus.

The event, to be held on November 9, 2010 at 623 S Wabash, Chicago, IL, will feature discussions on the candidates, as well as performances by various Columbia student groups and artists. It will be held from 7-9pm.

Mason Johnson, head of  campus literary collective Silver Tongue, spoke of the event’s importance, “There are over 12,000 students at Columbia College alone. Combine that with the other Chicago colleges and what you get is an immense group of people who have the power to drive change in the community. If we can harness that power there are no limits to what we can do.”

A table will be designated for each of the candidates, all of whom have been invited to offer literature or send representatives to recruit volunteers.

The Chicago Mayor Volunteer Drive is free and open to the public. No RSVP is required.

After Part one of ES <3 ST, we were… um… fortunate enough to hear from Jilted Emily Rose.

I honestly don’t know whether I’ll ever have an erection ever again.

Sorry, that was unrelated.

Fun fact you can learn from Brendan Riley’s bio: he knows at least three dirty jokes. Could this be because he does dirty things with bears? I doubt it. Regardless, his informative reading about the great Root Bear taught me a whole lot about fame and misery. Thanks, Brendan!

Also, Brendan farted.

The next reader was Sabrina Dropkick, of the classic Dropkick clan. While some people have ancestors who were blacksmiths (hence the surname Smith), Sabrina’s ancestors had a much more interesting vocation. This has nothing to do with her reading on Gay Bears though. So, you know, listen to that.

DETROIT.

Is where Stephanie Lane Sutton is from. Her topic was “Bare Naked.” You’d think I’d have something witty to say, but I’m drawing a blank. I will say this though, I’d be willing to bet Shanny picked this topic for Stephanie – she’s always talking about nudity… Come on, Shanny! At least Robbie’s button fetish isn’t boring and typical.

Oh, yeah, thanks OnSmith for the sweet art to accompany the show and program!

And then Ian Belknap brought down the house. I can’t really blame him, someone has to keep the hosts in line. He was definitely the “fun suck” of the night.

And then Robbie sang. Christ. I mean, how much of an attention hog is this guy? If he weren’t amazingly, painfully handsome, I might, just might, hate him. What did he sing? Jeez, you’re a curious bunch. The Chris Bower Hour!

Now, I only have one problem with Chris Bower: he’s a horrible, awful, crappy human being. Considering how awful he is, it’s surprising that I only have that one problem. Now, this Chris Bower, this bearded ragamuffin, would have you believe some awful things about people named Mason and, worse, bears named Mason. So let me get one thing clear… Nobody and nothing ever named Mason has never-ever bitten anyone in the crotch. People, animals, things, places, EVERYTHING named Mason has always been tender and loving to all genitalia. If you hear anyone say otherwise, punch ‘em in the jaw for me.

I guess his piece was okay.

It wasn’t an hour though.

Then we had a raffle! I don’t remember what the winner got, possible polar bear panties:

Who knows.

When we come back, we’ll continue with Daniel Sinker speaking slower than he’s ever had to speak before!

Tonight (2nd):

Tuesday Night Funk (some of us will be at this) http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=144451922266836

SO YOU THINK YOU HAVE NERVES OF STEEL? (some of us might be at this) http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=171137732900652

SLAM OF STEEL with super-special feature ROBBIE Q TELFER! http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=170670852947896

Tomorrow (3rd):

The Encyclopedia Show: The Village of Schaumburg (some of us will definitely be here) http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=165861666765314

RUI: Reading under the influence http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=56210605817

It’d be nice to go to all of the events, but who can be in two places at once?

What am I missing? Lots, I’m sure.

Also, we’ve opened up submissions for our November 17th reading, LEAVING THE WOMB: stories about leaving the parental nest. Deadline is the 10th. Go to event to submit.

Encyclopedia Show! Bears! SilverTongue! The show went amazingly, here’s a rundown:

Robbie, Shanny, and the Encartagans started the show with their usual song-introduction “did you know,” telling the audience a little bit about the theme of the show: BEARS.

It was horribly inaccurate. I can see why Ian Belknap has to be there.

Erin Teegarden was the first reader, informing the crowd on Ursa Major. While I did not learn much about stars or astrology or astronomy (like, for example, what the difference is), my heart was moved.

Nick Narbutas followed, making us feel bad for an animatronic bear that plays rock and roll. He kinda showed everyone up, as Robbie pointed out, with all his intensity and hardcorness and ballsiness and other fake-word-adjectives that don’t exist.

“You know how buttons are cute, she’s like a thousand buttons,” is how Robbie introduced Abby Sheaffer, which I guess is accurate. As long as you don’t take the description literally. I mean, I did at first, but after over a month of thinking about it, I now understand what he means. Maybe. Why are buttons cute though? Where’d that phrase come from? Who thinks buttons are cute? Is there a term for people attracted to buttons? Can I create a term? Let’s call these people robbuttontelferphiliacs.

Daniel Shapiro is so amazing that Shanny could BEARly introduce him without trembling from his amazingness. It’s because Dan is so funny. That’s all I really have to say about that.

Intern Patrick can’t do ANYTHING right.

Ian Belknap teaches our hosts some manners. More importantly, Shanny points out that Ian may find something cool.

And that is the end of Act 1. We continue in the next post with the (anti) charismatic Jilted Emily Rose.

First and foremost, our upcoming reading (because, come on, we gotta look out for ourselves first):

Encyclopedia Show <3 Silver Tongue

Wednesday September 29th, 7 pm

1104 South Wabash, Conaway Center

Come watch as The Encyclopedia Show, the live variety extravaganza created by Shanny Jean Maney and Robbie Q. Telfer, comes to Columbia for the first time ever to show the Silver Tongue Reading Series how it’s done! Watch as faculty members and students define the theme of BEARS in a hilarious and raucous fashion. It’s bound to be a crazy (not to mention free) night, so why not come by?

Featuring: Brendan Riley, K. Bradford, Dan Sinker, Dave Snyder, Chris Bower, Erin Teegarden, Abby Scheaffer, Stephanie Lane Sutton, Daniel Shapiro, Ian Dick Jones, Sabrina Dropkick, Patience Rowe, Nick Narbutas!!!!!

Hosted by Robbie Q. Telfer and Shanny Jean Maney

Visit the Encyclopedia Show!

Other sweet readings comin’ up…

The Sunday Night Sex Show

I’ve never been to the Sunday Night Sex Show, which bums me out since I only hear great things. (This is Mason by the way.) This upcoming one is so close to be home that I don’t think I can avoid going, so maybe I’ll see ya there?

When: Sunday at 7:00pm

Where: The Burlington, 3425 W. Fullerton Ave

What (according to their facebook event):

Things are getting crazy at the Sunday Night Sex Show. Allen has moved to Maine, and yet we must soldier on! With many guest hosts! Like that one season of The View! And this month, that guest host will be none other than the lovely and talented and besequinned Tim Jones Yelvington (The Lady Gaga of the Chicago Lit Scene!).

And a warm welcome to our new house DJ’s, the lovely and talented Mr. Russia, and please stay for our dance party after the show! Yay dancing!

Our featured readers this month will be:

Amanda Glasbrenner!
Jacob Knabb!
Samantha Irby!
Helen Kiernan!
Brittany DeGroat!
Susan Hope Lanier!

YAY!

So come, ask us some questions about your sex lives, drink a lot, listen to some sweet stories and generally have the best time ever. Duh.

Windy City Story Slam: The Perversion Stripped Story Slam

I’ve been to a few Story Slams now and can honestly say there’s no other series that’s this intense. I don’t think I’ll make this one (which is a shame, being a pervert and all), but I highly suggest the rest of you all go.

When: Saturday, October 2 at 9:00pm

Where: Viaduct Theatre Belmont and Western

What (check out their info at their website):

After our triumphant return from the UK, we’re pleased to announce our next show’s theme: Perversion STRIPPED: Celebrating the Oddities of Human Sexuality.

The night’s features include Fred Burkhart, Deb Lewis, Meg McCarville, and Alex Bonner. And–get ready for this–a real, live plaster casting! Slammer Behnam Riahi was blah-blah-blahed off stage earlier this year at the Jim Goad show for his story about his…ahem…impressive member. Well, we’ve invited him to Slam again–provided he stand and deliver.

Come see Behnam get casted and loads of other surprises! Sex! Kink! Stories!

And music from guests Stoop Goodnoise!

Find us at the Viaduct Theater, 3111 N Western Ave. 18+, 21 to drink. $5 at the door.

So there. Now you’ve got something to do with your life.

Anything else I need to add? Fix? Email us at editors@silvertonguecolumbia.com

<3 Mason